Zoe's First Birthday

My little Zoe, you just had your first birthday!  Do you feel like a big girl now?  Did anyone whisper "Happy birthday" in your ear or hold you a little bit longer on your big day?  Did you feel special, even for just a moment?

I'm not sure if anyone even knew it was your birthday Monday in the orphanage, but your family knew.  We did not forget.  Even though we couldn't be there to hold you and kiss you and sing to you, we still celebrated because we love you and your first birthday is very important to us.  As a matter of fact, it's so important, the celebration has lasted a few days!  It's gone a little something like this...

We talked about you.  We prayed for you.  Mimi sent a text message wishing you a happy birthday.  Grandma posted a Minnie Mouse picture wishing you a happy birthday. Mommy and Daddy wished you a happy birthday on social media and hundreds of people responded, wishing you a special, happy day, too!  And your big sister kissed your picture... several times.

We finished your butterflies that hold the letters of your name above where you will soon sleep. 

We also got you a special little friend to snuggle with...

Our whole House Church celebrated your birthday, too, by making a Chinese-themed dinner in your honor.  We made a special cake for you and had your picture by it so everyone could see you and say happy birthday.  We talked about you all night long.

God even said a special happy birthday to you by giving us the dates that we'll be coming to get you- and it's not long now, just a few short weeks!  On December 3, 2012, we will hold you in our arms and begin to tell you and show you just how much we love you.  Happy birthday my precious daughter, you will be home with your forever family for Christmas!

Life, Told By Arella

Sometimes we fall down.  It hurts and many times it leaves a mark, maybe even a scar.

Sometimes after the fall we try to play tough, hold in the hurt, and put on a face that makes everyone think we're stronger than the pain.

Sometimes we just feel like we're trapped.

Sometimes we put on such a good show that people don't realize buried deep the pain still lingers.

Sometimes we just want to blend in so people won't notice.

Sometimes it just makes us want to curl up and pretend like it never happened.

But there is one thing that can change it all...

When out of the depths we cry out to the Lord, He hears us.

He is our strength when we are weak.  He carries us through the storm.

He cleanses us of our messes because we can't do it ourselves.

He rescues us.

He gives us rest.

When He begins to do these things in our lives, we try hard to figure it all out.

Sometimes it feels like God puts too big of a task in front of us.

It can be intimidating and feel like a wild ride.

But God says He will equip us.

He gives us friends to support us, encourage us, and hold us accountable.

God will make beautiful music of our lives....

When we trust Him enough to get out of the boat...

And walk with Him.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a results of works, so that no one may boast.  For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

- Ephesians 2:8-10

A Perfect Match

"Call me!  They've matched us!"

That was the text message from my husband that made my heart stop in its tracks while I was enjoying coffee with a friend on a Thursday night.  We finally got THE call.  And then for the first time, we saw her sweet face....

Of course we fell in love immediately (how could you not?! Just look at those kissable cheeks & longing eyes!) and sent back the required paperwork less than 24 hours later.

After three somewhat torturous years of dreaming, praying, wondering, crying, hoping, aching, and longing we now know.  Well, we know some things about Zoe- what she looks like, where she was abandoned, what orphanage she lives in and a brief medical history.  Oh, and in a recent update we learned that she sometimes steals toys from other babies :)

I realize now, it's never going to be enough for me.  I thought that when we started the process, I would feel better because at least I would know one day she would be in my arms.  Then I cried because the process was slowing down and taking longer and longer.  Then I thought I would feel better once we were matched because then I would be able to see her sweet face and know who this little girl is that has captured my heart.  But now I cry because every time Arella is upset, I worry about Zoe and wonder if anyone is holding her when she is upset or hurt or scared.  Now I keep telling myself that I will feel better once she is in my arms and I can hold her and protect her and love on her.  But I know I will cry even after I have her in my arms, because I will always wonder and pray for her family that couldn't keep her.

And so is the beauty and heartbreak that is adoption.  There is grief, hurt, loss and ashes of a life she will never know.  Yet there is also hope, excitement, love, joy and beauty in this forever family she has in us.  Adoption is such a tangible picture of what God has done for us.  He doesn't ask us to clean ourselves up, do the best we can to cover up our past and hope that He accepts us in the end.  He tells us to come to Him as we are.  He says He will clean us up and make us new.  He says He has already paid our debts, and all that is left is for us to accept this gift of His grace and join His family.

I am so very excited to go get my baby and bring her home, but I am also terrified of the upheaval and insanity that it will likely reign down on this house until we all adjust.  Having two girls just six months apart in age suddenly joining forces as toddlers is crazy, I know.  God seems to put a lot of "crazy" on my plate, but I know when I trust Him with the "crazy" He always turns it into something astonishing.

I'm working on trusting Him more and crying a little less as we wait a little longer.  The next step is our travel approval which could come any time in the next 3-8 weeks or so.  From there it should be about a month until we can jump on that plane to China!

My oh my, a year's gone by

My baby is turning 1... how did that happen?!  It's so cliche' to say, "It went so fast!"  But it did.

For many years Mother's Day has been tough for me.  I've been longing to be a Mommy, but there's been no baby to make me one.  Last year while I was super preggo but still a couple weeks away from D-Day, a sweet little girl at church came up and gave me a flower on Mother's Day.  Needless to say the tears came flowing! It melted me that this little girl saw me as a Mommy.  Little did I know less than 3 days later, I would finally become one.

I'll save you all the crazy details, but going to bed with what I thought were just cramps on a Tuesday night apparently turned into labor.  Eriek and I, being newbies at this, didn't realize I was in labor so after lots of debate and finally calling the doctor, we arrived at the hospital around 7:30am on Wednesday morning.  By the time our room was ready, so was Arella, and out she came at 9:11am on 5-11-11.  Kinda cool :)

She's been a little character from the beginning, and here's a quick glance at my little Arella over the past year.

Our sweet little baby girl so eager to see us, arrived at just under 6 lbs. 10 oz., 20 inches long and a full head of dark hair.

First official family photo.

Just 6 days old and you can already see the hint of a smirk on her face and a twinkle in her eye.

1 month

 2 months

3 months

4 months

5 months

6 months

7 months

8 months

9 months

10 months

11 months

I love you my precious baby girl!  Thank you for making me a mommy and filling my heart so full I think it might burst!  

Lord, thank You for this amazing gift You have brought to our family!  Thank You for teaching us how to love deeper and more fully.  Thank You for helping us understand and know You more through being a parent.  Please continue to knit our little family together in a way that only You can!

And just to leave you with a few of my favorite fun moments.

Can't wait to see what another year holds....

Dreams

I was 8 years old when I started gymnastics.  Mary Lou Retton had just vaulted her way to a household name, and all I wanted to wear were stars and stripes. 

Apparently after watching some girls on the play ground, I taught myself how to do a front handspring and proceeded to do them all up and down the sidewalk at recess every day.  Next thing I know, my mom is signing me up for gymnastics. 

Pretty much from day one at the gym, Jenny and I became the best of friends.  We ate, breathed and slept gymnastics.  I couldn't tell you the color of paint on our walls because they were covered in gymnastics posters.  My dad made me a balance beam.  Jenny got a single rail bar, and the extra space over her garage became our gym away from the gym.  We acquired mats and little trampolines.  And we dreamed.

We had our dream all mapped out.  We would make the 1996 Olympic Team because we would be 18 and that just seemed like a perfect age to go to the Olympics. We would tie for the all-around gold medal in gymnastics because that's just how best friends roll.  And we would get lots and lots of perfect 10's on our way to the top of that podium.

When we're young, the whole world is in front of us and the future is ours to make.  When we're young, we dare to dream big and crazy. When we're young, we attempt to chase those dreams.

In junior high, Jenny decided to move on from gymnastics.  After growing 6 inches in a year and getting very ill, I got real with myself, too.  I was a mediocre gymnast at best.  While I passionately loved the sport, I knew I wasn't going to be the next Mary Lou.  But there was just something burning deep inside that kept pushing.  I tried my hand at several other sports over the next two years but nothing was as exciting as gymnastics had been.

One day my mom ran into an ex-gymnast friend's mom.  She came home and told me that my friend had started this diving thing and was excelling at it.  She thought it would be good for me to at least try it out.

When we walked onto the pool deck, I was sold.  Gymnastics into the water = B-I-N-G-O!  I threw myself into the sport with a vengeance.  It was like something inside of me was being unleashed.  I couldn't get enough of it.  We'd be at the pool for hours, and after workout I just wanted to play around some more.  Then I started having those Olympic dreams again, just in a different sport.

I guess the point of my little story here is that we should never stop dreaming.  No, dreams don't always workout the way you plan them.  I didn't tie for the 1996 Olympic gymnastics gold medal with my best friend.  But sometimes dreams have a way of unfolding in way you could never have imagined.  I did stand on top of the Olympic podium though, four years later on my own in a different sport.  And at that same Olympics, I saw two friends tie for a gold medal in swimming. 

Dream, and dream big.  If it doesn't work out the way you hoped, keep dreaming.  No, sometimes dreams don't come true.  But I'm living proof that sometimes they do.  Sweet dreams my friends; they're worth fighting for.

Am I Willing?

We went to our church, Church Project, on Wednesday night for a prayer and worship service.  At that service we were celebrating today- Good Friday. 

As our pastor was going through the last supper, Judas' betrayal, Jesus being condemned, tortured and led to the cross, the only thought that kept coming to my mind was the word "willing." 

Several years ago at small Bible study we had at our house, one of my good friends made a point that has stuck with me ever since.  We were talking about what Jesus went through leading up to the crucifixion, when my friend made this point...

Jesus was tortured beyond recognition, a beating most don't survive.  Then He carried a super heavy cross on his back in this barely survivable condition.  And He carried that super heavy cross in that barely survivable condition all the way out of the city and up a hill to finally be nailed to it and hung from it.  He wasn't led to His death, He was fighting to get there so He could finish what the Father sent Him to do. 

Jesus was willing.  He was so in agony over what was going to happen he was sweating drops of blood, but He was willing.  He was anxious even to the point of asking God to not make Him go through this, but He was still willing. 

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends."  John 15:12-13

He was willing because He loves us. He was willing because He knew spilling His blood was the only way to completely wipe out our debt of sin. 

"For the wages of sin is death..." Romans 6:23 

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God..." Romans 3:23

There had to be a death, there had to be a blood payment, to cover our sins, our debt.  Jesus, the one sinless man, the only one not deserving of death, gave His life as payment.  He was willing because He loves us that much.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him."  John 3:16-17

He was willing even while we were still His enemies (Romans 5:10), to give His life to save ours.  And not only did He give His life, but He conquered the grave and is now preparing a place for us (John 14:2)!


I've read many stories about martyrs being killed while spreading this life changing news.  But I've never stood face to face with people who are risking their lives on a daily basis because of Christ, until Wednesday night.

We had the opportunity to meet and pray for people who are running a church and spreading the Gospel in Mexico in an area where people are being threatened and killed daily.  Just leaving their homes they risk their lives, and they are going out every day ministering to people all over.  They are willing. 

Lord, help me be willing to love without regard for safety, to love without condition, to love with reckless abandon, to love others as You do.  Lord, help me be willing to spread Your great news next door and to the ends of the earth!  Lord, help me be willing!