"Call me! They've matched us!"
That was the text
message from my husband that made my heart stop in its tracks while I
was enjoying coffee with a friend on a Thursday night. We finally got THE call. And then for the first time, we saw her sweet face....
course we fell in love immediately (how could you not?! Just look at
those kissable cheeks & longing eyes!) and sent back the required
paperwork less than 24 hours later.
somewhat torturous years of dreaming, praying, wondering, crying,
hoping, aching, and longing we now know. Well, we know some things
about Zoe- what she looks like, where she was abandoned, what orphanage
she lives in and a brief medical history. Oh, and in a recent update we
learned that she sometimes steals toys from other babies :)
realize now, it's never going to be enough for me. I thought that when
we started the process, I would feel better because at least I would
know one day she would be in my arms. Then I cried because the process
was slowing down and taking longer and longer. Then I thought I would
feel better once we were matched because then I would be able to see her
sweet face and know who this little girl is that has captured my
heart. But now I cry because every time Arella is upset, I worry about
Zoe and wonder if anyone is holding her when she is upset or hurt or
scared. Now I keep telling myself that I will feel better once she is
in my arms and I can hold her and protect her and love on her. But I
know I will cry even after I have her in my arms, because I will always
wonder and pray for her family that couldn't keep her.
so is the beauty and heartbreak that is adoption. There is grief,
hurt, loss and ashes of a life she will never know. Yet there is also
hope, excitement, love, joy and beauty in this forever family she has in
us. Adoption is such a tangible picture of what God has done for us. He doesn't ask us to clean ourselves up, do
the best we can to cover up our past and hope that He accepts us in the
end. He tells us to come to Him as we are. He says He will clean us
up and make us new. He says He has already paid our debts, and all that
is left is for us to accept this gift of His grace and join His family.
am so very excited to go get my baby and bring her home, but I am also
terrified of the upheaval and insanity that it will likely reign down on
this house until we all adjust. Having two girls just six months apart
in age suddenly joining forces as toddlers is crazy, I know. God seems
to put a lot of "crazy" on my plate, but I know when I trust Him with
the "crazy" He always turns it into something astonishing.
working on trusting Him more and crying a little less as we wait a
little longer. The next step is our travel approval which could come
any time in the next 3-8 weeks or so. From there it should be about a
month until we can jump on that plane to China!