My head is pounding, my lip is fat and slightly bloody, and I think there may be a very nasty bruise on my leg hiding under my jeans. No, I did not just finish a platform diving workout. No, I did not start training for UFC. No, I did not get in a car accident. That's right; it was just another fun filled night with non-sleeping toddlers.
Last night I tortuously listened to a super spicy, angry Peanut scream on and off for an hour before finally falling asleep for the night. It's been a rough week or so for us sleep-wise, and there has been a lot of screaming in the middle of the night, though not all from me.
Eriek was at class last night so it was just me on my own, staring at the monitor, praying for her to rest, willing that the red lights turn green again. It was agony listening to her but holding myself back from going in to pick her up. I knew she was just mad, but the fact that she works herself up so much that she throws up dinner in her bed, makes it a little harder to not immediately pounce. (After cleaning up from the vomit episode of course.)
My mind starts to play tricks on me, saying, "Just go in and soothe her, then you'll both feel better." Ha! Now that I have experience on my side, I can't even fool myself! I know that sneaky little Peanut will woo me over til she's out of bed and back pushing her play stroller around the living room. Or she'll just want me to hold her for around 8 hours, never allowing me to sit down or even lean on the wall. I love you Peanut, so I'm not going in.
Just because I know in my head she's alright and that this is the only way she will go to sleep tonight, doesn't make it easy. My heart still aches. I still cried because she cried. It still hurts to listen to such a little one you love scream her heart out, even when you know everything is okay.
So as I'm praying for God to give Zoe rest and me wisdom and discernment, I couldn't help but think about the other moms out there listening to their children cry and scream. Some of those babies are just like Zoe, healthy and safe with a mommy going crazy trying to figure out what to do. Some of those babies are hungry. Some are sick. Some of those sweet babies don't have a Mommy to listen to them cry. Some of those babies have stopped crying because no one responds.
Of course that led me to wonder what the orphanage was like that Zoe lived in. Who was there when Zoe cried out? Did she learn not to cry because no one came? Who was with her at the hospital when she had pneumonia both times? Was she frightened and all by herself? Did anyone pick her up to comfort her? What will happen to the others who don't have a forever family coming to get them?
My heart is broken for these babies. If not us, then who will be like Jesus to the least of these?
Adoption is an amazing journey, but I totally get that it's not for everyone. But there are still so many ways we can take action right now. You want to make a difference in this world? Check out this blog post for a list of ways you can change the world for someone.
I heard this song shortly after we brought Zoe home, and it absolutely pierces my heart. It captures the essence of what it means to help the least of these. It's Audio Adrenaline's new song Kings & Queens for their Hands and Feet Project in Haiti.